Try jokes

So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

Why do orphans play baseball because they try to find home?

I tried to catch fog yesterday...

Mist.

I tried to write the shortest joke ever, so I wrote a two-word joke, which was "Dwarf Shortage." It's just so I could pack more jokes into the show.

I tried to make a website for orphans.

Sadly, I couldn't make a home page.

The toilet paper tried to cross the road. He couldn't because he was stuck in a crack.

I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.

“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.

“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.

I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

Fortnite is so bad that when you try to play, trash is always in your way. LOL

What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?

He waves his arms like a space invader.

Try not to <3.

How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.

Stephen Hawking trying to climb the stairway to heaven.

What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.