Once I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying rape you? Rub it
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
Stephen Hawking tried comedy. His first line ruined it. 'You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand.'
That one awkward moment you try to relate to batman by killing your parents.
My favorite thing to do on my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
1 like =1 kid in my oven. Im trying to get followers and comments please
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”
That's the best I've done so far.
If you're ever bored, try scaring the shit out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks "What's so magical about it?" the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.
The bartender shakes his head, and says.
"Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk superman.
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems.... ...if I could just get the right people to try it.
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? i tried to lighten up his day.
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
I saw a man trying to rape a girl,i decided to help, she didn't stand a chance against both of us
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies "Well for your daughter, Denise" "That's a nice name" comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies "Denephew".
