A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping, the boy asks “what is that man doing?”. The mom says “Making pizza” trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says “Making extra cheese”. When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says “Ordering the pizza”.

Later that day the mother says to the father “I think I want some to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, dont know why that sounds good”.

So that night the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs “wanna order some pizza !?”

The mother replied “DONT WORRY IM MAKING SOME”

the sons voice followed " IM ADDING EXTRA CHEESE"

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do? I look for a way out, but there’s not even a light shining through. The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark. Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there’s always one who’s fair. That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect. Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side. Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know. But that was in the past and this isn’t about my dark ride, it’s time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

Leo: Mother, what is an idiot. Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn’t understand. Mother: Do you understand. Leo: No.

My mom trying to get me to do dishes

Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.

Me: Why did you?

Mom: I was very drunk…

Explains a lot…

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

you should never try afgani weed becuse people in afganistan get stoned to death

At every funeral it’s a try-not-to-say-big-mood-challenge for me

🧀:C’mon tomato!

🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.

🧀:You’re a mile away.

🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.

I wasn’t staring at you I was trying to figure out if that’s your forehead or the moon

I was trying to poison santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

Your momma so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

what did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom? WATCH OUT!!!

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you? “Cmon, did ya really think I’d resist a-rest?”

Son: mom what is dark humor? Mom: son do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother you know im blind and cant see!! Mom: exactly!

Can’t wait to meet you! So join the Depression family! We open real soon! Try best to hold onto sanity!

Ever tried etheopian food? No? Neither have they

People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.

Yo mama so dumb she tried to put m&m’s in alphabetical order

Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried totouch it that night, next day I went to court.

The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, “I got to have this guy. He’s got the best arm I’ve ever seen!”

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

“Mother,” he yells over the phone, “We just won the Super Bowl!”

“Don’t talk to me,” the woman says. “You abandoned us. You can’t be my son.”

The young Iraqi begs, “Mom, you don’t understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!”

“I don’t care,” his mother snaps. “Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped.”

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.

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