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Try jokes

Funeral

    • Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral? While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

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    • Suicide

    • Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?

    Dog

    • I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

    Why?

    The ducks keep trying to eat him.

    Why would they do that?

    Because he’s pure-bread.

    Superman

    • A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

    The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

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    • People

    • Why was the people's wedding so miserable...

    'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.

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    • Try memes

    Farmer

    • A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...

    A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.

    "Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

    Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"

    "Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

    Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"

    "Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

    Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"

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    • Baby

    • I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

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    • Baby

    • Mom: It's time for sleep.

    Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

    Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

    Baby: Nice try, hobo.

    Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

    *few hours later*

    Baby: *still awake*

    Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

    Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

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    • Toilet

    • Fat jokes and mom jokes😂

    1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."

    2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.

    3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."

    4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

    5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."

    6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

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    • Cat

    • An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.

    “Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.

    “I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.

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    • Plumber

    • Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.

    He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.

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