Newest Training Jokes - Page 2

My crush rejected me 2 years ago and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me

True as fuck

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ever wondered why usain bolt runs fast? he’s training to outrun the cops

German XP farms: Train carrying chained guys. American XP farms: Walking up to a school with a gun. African XP farms: Cotton field.

What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly or... Are they just given a quick crash course?

this is my cousin (you’ll get it if u live near nyc subways [trains, not the sandwich])

So a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex, when he gets to the bar he brags about the different sex positions they used and one of the guys says "oh did you do head" and he responded with no I couldn't find the head

How does a train sneeze?

It goes a-choo choo

Why does the Jedi never join the darkside? If they did then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.

my suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks

I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team Because I hate dealing with parents.

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little
bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the
Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids
on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am
trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire
US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another
target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of
which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my
fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that
shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we
speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across
the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better
prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the
pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead,
kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over
seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands.
Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I
have access to the entire arsenal of the United States
Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your
miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If
only you could have known what unholy retribution your
little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you,
maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you
couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you
goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown
in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?

When he is on the train.

I asked the gym instructor

"can you teach me to do the splits?",

"How flexible are you?" He asked

"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."

Which train 🚂 is loaded with bubble gum?

A chew chew train

Why did the Muslim man cross the road? To violently rape an eight year old girl then indoctrinate her with Islamic scripture and train her as a suicide bomber

The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, The Train.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low and the cliff was non existent and now you took the poison !"