Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: "September 11, two thousand fun."
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.
When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.
Why do Americans suck at chess? Because they lost two towers.
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
Why was 10 afraid?
Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
Because they lost two towers.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.
I usually don’t make school shooting jokes.
Because they’re aimed at a younger audience.
