Tragedy jokes

A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,

"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come home.

Me: Calls 9-1-1.

Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?

Me: *hangs up*

Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.

What's a school shooter's favorite flower?

Columbine.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.

So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?

They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.

What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?

Drowning Pool - Bodies.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.

Why can't Americans play chess?

Because they're missing two towers.

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."

I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.

He had a change of race tho when he died.

If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.