The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
Worst Jokes Ever
Go to an orphanage and tell the kids their parents came back as an April Fools' joke.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
Why does the orphan like nature? He can call someone "mother."
Yesterday I asked an emo girl if she's jealous when her phone dies.
"No Way Home" is just the life of an orphan.
In America, you work on a plantation.
In Soviet Russia, the plantation works on you!
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.
Yo mama so fat, everyday people kept asking: "Are you pregnant?"
I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.
How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What were the candles doing at a birthday party?
Getting lit.
Pass me the sugar, Sugar!
Pass me the honey, Honey!
Pass me the teabag!
I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.
Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.
What is the difference between 9/11 and rickrolling?
The Twin Towers gave up and let down.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they finally have someone to call father.
One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.
Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."
