Worst Jokes Ever
A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."
When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."
Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"
Son:...... um
Satan and the devil are alter egos.
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
What is an orphanage's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."
My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.
I want to tell you a joke about 9/11... but I'm afraid it will be the bomb.
"In chess, a queen can move in more directions than the king."
I mean, yeah, the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor, so-
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite holiday? 4th of July when they set off fireworks.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.
Why do orphans love chips?
Because they're all family sized.
Did you know the F in orphan stands for family... Oh wait, haha.
We should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell their parents... Oh, continue.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
What did the orphan's parent say when he got bad grades?
Nothing, he doesn't have any.
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
Mom! Mom! My classmates called me an orphan!
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?
The bird can fly off the roof.