Worst Jokes Ever

When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"John."

"John who?"

John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Ligma.

Ligma who?

Ligma bum crack!

When the guy asks the girl if she's wet, she replies, "Yeah, milky knickers!"

What do you call a retarded Catholic?

Asperges.

Owo

Your Dad.

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.

I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.

What do you call a girl with no legs? Sarah.

What do you call an Olympic gold medalist skiing? Not Sarah.

Why did the man walk into a bar?

Because he just broke up and he needs alcohol, you dummy!

I've done a ton of work today.

A SKELE-ton of work!

I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

What do you call a fat midget?

A pig.

Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!

Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Penis enters my dad and sister.

Greg is a pedo.

Friend 1: I HATE YOU!

Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!

Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*

Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.

All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*

What's the best part of having sex with a baby?

Deep throat and anal at the same time.