Worst Jokes Ever
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she soon found herself homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater, not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her. Every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every Tuesday, just to keep her spirits up.
One Tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange-looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: "I work as a magician in the touring show; today, we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate, but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin."
I impaled my son with a pitchfork...
He looks very sharp.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
What happens when you say, "Hey Siri?"
Stephen Hawking answers.
What is a definition of tight?
A. Putting a blind man in a round room and saying, "Your dinner's in the corner."
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.
Question: What's brown and sitting on the piano bench?
Answer: Beethoven's last movement.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.
Why did the bird lay an egg on Stephen Hawkings?
Because he is Stephen HAWKings.
What do you call a three-legged cow?
Disabled.
Gun + Backpack = Fun!
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
Why couldn't the button get off the couch?
Because his butt weighed a ton! (butt-ton)
Why did God make the devils die?
God is great!
Why did Johnny cry?
He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.
Why do mountains contain things? Because their moun-tains.
My life...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Yo mama so dumb when the weather said "it's chili outside," she went inside a goal, small and a bowl.