Worst Jokes Ever
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
What do you call an orphan? Batman.
Do you know who invented paper?
Cai Lun!
“RIP” Cai Lun.
What do you call a person with no eyebrows?
Ms. Burgos.
Why was the chicken black and the other were white? Adoption!
Once I heard a joke about chocolate the other day.
It wasn't that funny.
So I just Snickered.
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
Someone: Hey, are you a skeleton?
A skeleton: Of course, I have a SKELE-ton of fans!
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk and you can drive.
What is the difference between snow boots and snow boots and walk home?
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Jasper likes little girls and Bin Laden.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven? Because it’s a staircase, not a ramp.
Girls are like a bus; you might miss the first bus and catch the second bus.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
Why didn't the skeleton want to make art anymore?
He didn't have the heart to put into it.