Worst Jokes Ever

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.

Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?

When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.

Your gene pool is more like a gene puddle.

It's often said that people peaked in high school.

I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?

A. A backroom deal.

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

I should probably stop making emo jokes.

They just don't seem to cut it anymore.

In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.

And an exorcism.

Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?

Because there were no more planes.