Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
R. I. P. Roll in Peace.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite movie? Cabbage Patch Kids.
A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."
"Then how about Karaoke?"
To which he replied, "I have two left throats."
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
That's caketasic!
Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!
1: Hey.
2: What?
1: We're outta paint.
2: *HMM*
(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)
Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.
Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't have a home to go to.
Why did the ducks go to jail?
They sold quack.
Let's rock and roll!
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
lolo.
What's the difference between you and your sister?
Your dad.
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!
Peter: Curses!
Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Peter: *Crying*
Jacob: Why are you crying?
Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*