Worst Jokes Ever

Numb Butt Wheelchair Club: No Feeling, No Problem!

No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.

I left my Avatar at home today.

I never get off on the wrong foot.

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

Why is Jonnyy baiiiiii sad? Because he no shower pero.

"Hola, soy Dora. Do you see the cliff? Say, "backpack." Tell her that we need Amanda. While I push her off the cliff, you will not peek. Did you just peek? Close your eyes, you silly goose." The end.

What do you call Moby Dick's dad?

Papa Boner.

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

I set a gay person on fire. We now call him LGBBQ.

Below I meant to say I set the gay person on fire.

What did the parent say to M.J.?

"Get off my kid!"

If blind people could play go-kart, it very quickly turns into bumper cars.

Why can't orphanages play baseball?

Because there's no home to go to.

Yo mama so Karen that when she went to hell, she asked Satan for the manager.

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.

What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

Oops!

Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.

But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.