Worst Jokes Ever
Wanna know something funny?
- Women's rights.
Why did the Down syndrome person cross the road? Because there was a zebra crossing!
Hello there, have a good day!
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eyed deer.
What do u call a deer with no eyes or legs? Still no eyed deer.
What do u call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no balls? Still no f*#$in eyed deer.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman.
How did number 1 kindly make number 2?
I got my ass kicked, let's be friends?
Stephen Hawking + Computer = SMART!
Stephen Hawking + Shoulder = HUNGRY!
Who's Hitler's best friend? Nazis me.
X: Morning, sunshine!
Y: Oh, yeah. 30 minutes more.
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
What do you call a bad "egg" meme?
Deep fried!
Yo mama so fat, she got more rolls than the sand dunes.
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
What do you call a brave octopus? Octobrave.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
Into little Nazis.
Yo mama's so hot when she walked into Subway she gave me a foot long!
What did the clock say when it got punched at noon?
It’s twelve o'clock.
I was eating this girl out the other day and I tasted horse semen... I looked up at the girl and said “that’s how you died, grandma!”
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.