Worst Jokes Ever
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
Geology rocks!
What do you call a cow with no legs?
It's still called a "cow."
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
Roll your eyes back, you might find a brain back there.
Chuck Norris: "Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose."
Me: "How come did you lose Return of the Dragon?"
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
What does Kobe and the Twin Towers have in common?
The pilots just couldn't stick the landing.
Wow, that was explosive!
Man, I'm on fire 🔥 today!
Hitler walked so Kim can run.
Why can't cheetahs play any games?
Because they're cheetahs!