Worst Jokes Ever
It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.
None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
What’s the difference between Batman and the Black Panther?
Batman returns.
Three men are working on a building site.
Every day, they sit down to eat their lunch together at the top of the building.
The first man opens his lunchbox to reveal a ham sandwich.
"By god," the man exclaims, "I hate ham sandwiches. I’ve been working in construction for twenty years, and every day, despite me telling her how much I despise it, my wife gives me a ham sandwich. If I get a ham sandwich in my lunch again, I will throw myself off the top of this building and kill myself."
The second man opens his lunchbox, revealing a cheese sandwich.
"Holy crow, another cheese sandwich! I hate these things, I tell you. Every day, I tell my wife how much I despise cheese sandwiches, but I still get them in my lunch. I’m with you buddy—if I ever get a cheese sandwich in my lunch again, I’m killing myself."
The third man, having opened his lunchbox, now pipes in.
"I don’t believe it—another tuna sandwich! If I had a penny for every time I’ve told my wife how much I hate these, I wouldn’t have to work on this sordid site no more! I’m sick of it—count me in, if I get a tuna sandwich in my lunchbox again, I’m killing myself."
The next day, the three men regroup at the top of the building and open their lunchboxes: the first man – a ham sandwich, the second – a cheese sandwich, the third – a tuna sandwich.
The three men exchange solemn looks before jumping in unison from the height of the building.
At the funeral for the three men, their grieving wives turn to each other.
"If only I’d known how much he didn’t like ham sandwiches," says the first man’s wife, "I always thought he was being ironic!"
"And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like cheese sandwiches," says the second man’s wife, "I always thought he was being sarcastic!"
"And if only I’d known how much he didn’t like tuna sandwiches," says the third man’s wife, "but I don’t know what good it would have done—the fool made his own lunch!"
Why was the Mexican scared of cold water?
It might turn into ICE.
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
Q: What's another name for cumming inside a woman?
A: Loading up the dishwasher.
Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.