Worst Jokes Ever
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"
Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
Is it a bird, is it a plane?
No, it’s a 9/11 victim.
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.
Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.
Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.
Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.
I was excited to watch Fast and Furious because of Dom Toretto, then I realized family is nothing to me 'cause I'm an orphan.
Why can't the orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to...
The Bible said, "Adam and Eve..." So I did both.
Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson’s?
Because it’s a family company.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Bubba couldn't make rent, so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead.
I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?
Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.