Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
A: The homepage.
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?