Worst Jokes Ever
I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.
What do you call an emo that likes pizza? A pizza cutter.
My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."
Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."
In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.
Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
If Hitler had a cooking channel: Step one... Turn on the gas.
I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"
Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. 😭💀
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?
A panhandler.
My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.
It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.