Worst Jokes Ever
How do you shut Helen Keller up?
You give her mittens.
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
Are you George Floyd?
'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!
"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"
My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
I always sucked at mazes. I found myself lost over and over again, but if life is a labyrinth, I'd always find the escape. The final dead end, my personal favorite...
There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."
The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
My friend told me to name a country in Africa.
So I said, "Hungry."
It's the 1940s.
The chink was counting his shillings. The chink was bitching. His wife got raped in Nanking. The chink counts his shillings.
The chink gets sook chinged!
Why did the woman feel ugly?
A. Nobody would even rape her.
What are Michael Jackson’s sexual pronouns? Hee hee!
My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.
You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!
What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?
They’re both alone, but only one is home.
I kept asking these kids where their parents are, and they started crying. I walked away laughing, thinking I love my job at an orphanage.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.