Worst Jokes Ever

I threw my boomerang and now I live in constant fear.

I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

How are orphans and apples different?

One gets picked.

I'm at school and this website isn't blocked, and I need help on who did 9/11?

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.

The "w" in Africa stands for wealth.

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?

I don't have a sex slave in my basement...

What’s red and white and black all over?

A dead white man at night time!

A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"

BA DUM TSS

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

Why do emos cut their arms? Because they can't cut the rope.

Why did NASA have to go to space? Because space is lonely.

What do you call Jan[uary] 6th?

White people smearing shit on the walls of the capitol!

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?

They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.

Most of us have been somewhere Stephen Hawking hasn’t: Upstairs.