Worst Jokes Ever

One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?

One "knight"!!!

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

More than five because my basement is still dark.

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

Why is the beach friendly?

Because it waves!

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

What goes up but never comes down?

Water in Australia.

What do you call a train that stalls?

The little engine that couldn't!

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

Why can't orphans sign up for sports?

They have to have a parent's signature.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

'Cause 7 8 9.

Did you hear that Uranus is cracked?

Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩

What do squats eat? Numbers.

When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

Why can't orphans go to field trips?

Parent Signature_________________

What do orphans do when they get a phone? They press the home button.

Who's the smallest wife??

Micro-wife.

Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.