Toilet

Toilet Jokes

Toilet Paper

Why did the toilet paper get to the bottom of the hill?

Because he went down the drain! - it's a bad joke, lmao.

Mum

Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

Bathroom scale

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

Mom

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

Mama

Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"

Job

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

Job

Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.

Toilet paper: Ya, right.

Road

Why couldn't the toilet cross the road?

Answer: 'Cause it got stuck in the crack.

Poop

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

Pee

This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).

Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”

Ass

When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."

Shit

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.

Coronavirus

*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

Cricket

What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?

The entire English innings.

Towel

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?

Wish

A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"

So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."

The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"