Toilet

Toilet Jokes

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."

Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

Fat jokes and mom jokesπŸ˜‚

1 So fat when she sat on the toilet she said a b c d e f g get your fat ass off me.

2 So fat your dad her were in bed and tried to kiss he’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.

3 Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini they all started yelling Godzilla Godzilla.

4 your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping she broke the bridge!

5 bill was so fat when he stepped in the scale it said to be continued.

6 yo mamma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

A boy was terrible at writing sentences so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences and return to school the next day. When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call so he angrily shouted at the child β€œShut up you Donkey!” The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom who assumed that he wanted to play video games so she said β€œNo my dear, tomorrow.” That was his second sentence. For the third sentence he went to his older brother who was watching football where someone scored a goal so he was jumping up and down yelling β€œGoal! Goal!” For the fourth sentence he went to his sister who was singing β€œSpider-Man Spider-Man!”. For the last sentence he went to his grandmother who was cleaning the toilet and singing β€œUnder the toilet, under the toilet”. He went to school the next day and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, β€œShut up you Donkey!” The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, β€œDo you want me to slap you?” The boy said, β€œNo my dear, tomorrow.” This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately he started jumping up and down yelling β€œGoal! Goal!” The teacher dragged him to the principal’s office as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was to which he replied by singing β€œ Spider-Man Spider-Man!” She asked him where he lived so he sang β€œUnder the toilet, under the toilet”.

The translation is correct. Toilet for disabled person shouldn't be called toilet. It should be:

DEFORMED MAN TOILET

πŸ‘¨ + πŸ‘© + πŸ‘¦ + πŸ‘¬ + πŸ‘§ +πŸ‘­ + 🚻 + πŸ’© = 🚽 + πŸ’© + 🚽 = πŸͺ  πŸ’© + πŸͺ = 🚽+ πŸ’© + 🐘 + πŸ’© + 🚻 + 🚽 + πŸͺ  = 😭

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me." "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds? Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? They're always on the lookout for a tight seal. I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away. Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married? The wedding ring. What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird. "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's." A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again." How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls. If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang. A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ. What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil. What does a perverted frog say? "Rubbit." What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus. How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them." Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off. Let's play carpenter! First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you. What do you do when your cat's dead? Play with the neighbor's pussy instead. How is life like toilet paper? You're either on a roll or taking s*** from someone. What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year. What is Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off. What did the leper say to the sex worker? "Keep the tip." What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam. What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets. What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers. What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas. Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream." What did one butt cheek say to the other? "Together, we can stop this crap." A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!" What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator.

What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom? sex worker

If a physically handicapped gay white male is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall and if you are a gay white male that is well-endowed that is not physically handicapped and if you want the physically handicapped gay white male who is sitting on the toilet in the handicapped stall to suck your dick what do you do to convince him to suck your dick if you have a hard on and your horny as hell? put $ 25 00 under the handicapped stall before you put dick under the handicapped stall 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😍 😁 😁 😁😁 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁 πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ πŸ’Έ