To-do jokes

Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Person: You can't kill an orphan!

Me: What are they going to do, go tell their parents?

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."

Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"

I smacked an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.

All I have to do is go to the Africa section.

What can a physically handicapped ♿ gay man 👬 do on his own very well 👏 without being taught how to do?

Perform fellatio on gay men.

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?

Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

A house has a crack. A guy covers it with Plaster of Paris.\n\nHouse: "Where the heck am I supposed to do my shit now?"

“Wanna smoke, kids?” is an offer to do drugs.

“Wanna smoke kids?” is an offer to kill.

In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

Once you've had the mother,

Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."