Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.
Me: Nah, it's just two tired.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.
The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh at the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
Why don't wheelchairs have pedals, so when their arms get tired, they can keep going with their feet?
It's tiring being straight 24/7.
The moment when you're too depressed to fantasize about death--it's so tiring.
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband, Harry?
She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Hendersons.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
Stephen Hawking said God isn’t real, and the Priest put a boot on his tire. 😂😂😂
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
What’s the difference between 1000 used tires and 1000 used condoms?
One's a good year and one's a great year.
Why did the rapper refuse to play cards?
Because he was tired of dealing with all the jokers.
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
It must be tiring to put makeup on two faces.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
