This Jokes

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

All of you guys in this orphanage are ABCDEFGHIJK.

What's that? said the orphans.

Attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, and hot.

What's the IJK?

I'm just kidding! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

So who did it? the I.S.S. teacher said.

1 hour before:

So let me get...

Random person: Wait, what? You BROKE UP WITH HER!

Me: I SWEAR, JHONNY, THIS IS THE 3RD TIME YOU BUTT INTO MY CONVERSATION! SO... HERE... YOU... GO! *punches*

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck ๐Ÿ˜

โ€œI turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.โ€

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, โ€œTell me, April, who created the universe?โ€ When April didnโ€™t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. โ€œGOD ALMIGHTY!โ€ shouted April and the teacher said, โ€œVery good,โ€ and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, โ€œWho is our Lord and Savior?โ€ But, April didnโ€™t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. โ€œJESUS CHRIST!โ€ shouted April and the teacher said, โ€œvery good,โ€ and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. โ€œWhat did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?โ€ And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, โ€œIF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, Iโ€™LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!โ€ The Teacher fainted.

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: โ€œThis essay youโ€™ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.โ€

โ€œOf course it is,โ€ said Johnny. โ€œItโ€™s the same dog.โ€

"{[(Log date) 11 22 3] The Beginning} "This marks the first ever log of the Underground Fruit Association of n&c (ugfa). N, being code name for Nathaniel, and C, being code name for Connor. Our plan is to collect as many fruit cups as possible by the end of the year. This site will be a communication hub only and used for nothing else. We will plan and discuss courses of action, and collection." End of log"

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.