9/10/01
Bush: “Ok i e got this just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan”
The umpire and the catcher were having a conversation. The runner slid into home, “I slid into this conversation.”
It was raining sadly all day my wife my 2 daughters and me stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died
Wife:😭😭😭I wish this never happened
Mia our first daughter: momy it’s ok I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby our second daughter: I love u all only if you guys die I won’t but I love you when ur alive 😉😏
Me husband: what kind of nonsense was that you love us when we’re alive but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except abby: abby this is serious mommy’s mother and father died. says Mia: yes your mom is sadly down right now you made her more sad😡🤬.says dad:sniffs* abby I had made a discussion I will take to an orphanage I am sorry 😣 when I amd better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back.says mom:
This was not a joke I just did this for Love 💕
Jack and Jill went up the hill so they can fetch some pee. Jack fell down and broke his whole body. Jill just laughed and didn’t care, so now they have a daughter.
I found this game, it's like flappy bird: https://terrorist.group/
Guys, this is so disrespectful, I love Jesus. I go to church every Tuesday morning to give Jesus a... giffffffft.
So disrespectful guys. #jesusismyhubby
My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.
Sorry for this Pick Up Line
Are you a building because i rate you 911 so let me put my plane in a let kids fall out
What is the difference between Twitter and this website?
There's no difference.
I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day. " I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day."
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!
They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.
Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 32,” is the reply.
“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”
“I was behind you at McDonalds’."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, but Jill fell down and Jack came tumbling down after.
(And you thought this would be a joke.)
IDK K LOVE THIS APP BTW
like this if your an american
I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
I feel wrong. What does this make us?
Still cousins.
