Eugenics is Hitler-like and, more importantly, feminist thinking.
You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.
Why are orphans so sad?
Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."
That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
What do you think about the game "Fortnite?"
Shit.
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.
I don't think jokes are very funny.
You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.
Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.
Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.
Who thinks that dogs bark to munch?
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.
They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.
Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
