Think Jokes

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

Where do you think all the orphans went?

In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.

You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.

Who thinks that dogs bark to munch?

Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.

Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.

A black and white image shows a large T-Rex holding a machine gun standing next to a Jeep-like vehicle and some soldiers. The text says, "Historical footage of the last T-Rex serving his country in WWI". Another text below states, "But isn't that a Jeep? And the T-Rex is holding a Browning M2? Which wasn't used until 1933... So I think this footage is actually of WW2".

Why are orphans so sad?

Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."

Eugenics is Hitler-like and, more importantly, feminist thinking.

It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.

It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-

You're so ugly not even your mom thinks you're beautiful.

What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?

"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.

The things you do for your cousins!

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ⁠◡⁠ಠ

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."