What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Things Jokes
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
"I wish it were this color, why is it leaking there, I need help trimming the grass I mean bushes, I own it."
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?
Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.
(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?
Your virginity.
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.
