Thing jokes
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory!
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
what's the worst thing to say to an emo?
if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Sum Ting Wong.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.
What did Tennessee do?
The same thing Arkansas did.