Thing jokes
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory!
Q. Why do orphans love elevators?
A. Because they're the only things to raise them.
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
What is one thing blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.
The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Sum Ting Wong.
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
what's the worst thing to say to an emo?
if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.
What's the best thing about a dead hooker? Refunds.
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.