Thing jokes
What do you call an Asian in a wheelchair? Sum Ting Wong.
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.
Hey, do you remember that dragon thing?
Draggin' these balls across your face.
The second worst thing to happen to these orphans!
What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.
If I ever stuff up a post, please let me be. I do have ADHD, short-term memory disorder, and dyscalculia, so please remember that no one likes to be picked on for things that they can't control.
What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?
Their ankles.
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
What is the last thing that goes through a suicide bomber's mind?
His arse.
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
What is the first thing you should always take care of first after a car crash?
The witnesses.
I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
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One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
What thing can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.