They jokes
Why do people always bully orphans?
'Cause what can they do? Tell their parents?
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Your forehead and your hairline must be old friends, because they go way back.
What does a child molester and a Catholic priest have in common? They both prey at church.
They say they'll stay, but I left first.
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t find their way home.
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?
They both shoot when they see kids.
There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.
What's the difference between a government and a pawn shop?
They lower you.
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.