They jokes
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.
The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"
The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."
The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."
The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"
The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"
The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.
The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.
What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls?
They blow themselves up.
They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find Homeplate.
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
Why did the orphan have an empty bowl?
Because they already ate their supper.
My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.