They jokes
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”
How do non-binary people kill people?
They slash them.
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
The fact I couldn't hear the announcements at my school because the boys in my advisory are clapping with no hands should be a joke just in itself. They were making sexual faces as well, oh, and don't forget the moaning they do.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.
How to cure boredom:
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.
So they can let me down one last time.
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
"I thought what we had was special!"
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.