They jokes
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
Memes
Perfect
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
Why is hand holding a couple thing? Because they touch each other's genitals anyway.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!
How do rappers stay cool in the studio?
They turn on the mic and DROP THE HEAT!
Why were the rappers late for their flight?
They forgot to pack.
Do you know why they call me battery saver?
I get turned on when it’s below 10%.
They say you should love your neighbor. Does that mean I have to love the president?
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
Q. Why aren't midget jokes funny?
A. They always seem to punch down.
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.