They jokes

Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.

2 weeks here.

What do dicks and popsicles have in common?

They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.

Why do they call them apartments when they are together?

Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.

What’s the difference between a barcode and Rachel Sutherland’s wrist?

Nothing, they both get scanned for a fresh new pack of razor blades.

Why can’t the orphan play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!

How do clarinet players play a song?

They reed their music.

What do crows use when they get a phone?

A "CAWing" card!

Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?

Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.

Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"

Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

Because you can't drink and derive.

Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.

Why are wives also called a housekeeper?

Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?

Neither have they...