They jokes
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
They say Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn't cry.
I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.
They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.
Do not trust atoms! They make up everything.
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!