They jokes
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
So three retards walk into a classroom...
Sike, it was the garbage. They mistook it for their classroom.
How are urinals made?
They get installed.
Knock, knock. Who's there? An armless person. Why? They got stumped on why they contacted you.
What's similar between McDonald's and priests?
They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"
The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.
Why did Stephen Hawkins die? They unplugged the WiFi.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...
"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were out on a hike. They had been going all day, so they decided to make camp and stay for the night. They both woke up at 3 A.M.
Holmes said, "Look up, Watson, what can you see?"
"Judging from the position of the stars, it looks like it's about 3 A.M."
"What else, Watson?"
"It looks like it will be a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What Else, Watson?"
"What am I supposed to see, Holmes?"
"Elementary my dear Watson, someone stole our tent!"
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.