Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?
I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They ain’t got no home to run to.
Why can’t England people play chess? They ain’t got no queen.
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?
"Jenga!"
Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.
Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.
Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!
Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
You text someone to ask them why they snobbed you. Then they snob you again.
1, 2 look at your shoes.
3, 4 they look better than yours.
5, 6 you have no friends.
7, 8 you look like a ape.
9, 10 don't you like men?
11, 12 hell naw I like females.
Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
