They jokes
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
A computer usually has a HARD drive. LESSON. No wonder they remember things.
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
When I was very young...
My classmates played a game called kiss chase. Some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them.
They are rapists now.
Why do orphans like to play Minecraft?
Because they like to have a home.
Why do orphans like Monopoly?
To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!
1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
Why can't an orphan hit a home run?
They have no home to run to.
What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.
Why can't orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
What did the emo say to the popular kid?
"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."