They jokes
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they have no Father's or Mother's days.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?
Why doesn't The View have anyone on it who is trans? They just look like they are.
A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.
"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"
"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
Q: What do nuns and bathrooms have in common?
A: They both have glory holes for pleasing.
Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.
They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.
I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.
Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?