They jokes
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.
Simply because they look up to me.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but they always crash and burn.
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?
Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦