They jokes

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.

Leo might not be the dumbest person in the world... but she’d better hope they don’t DIE!

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery, they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift!

Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?

Because they were lost in the BEATS.

If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...

Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?

A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls?

They blow themselves up.