Thereness jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Ligma. Ligma who? LIGMA BALLS!
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny.
“Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad.
“Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny, and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother shit in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad fucking his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is fucking the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!"
So, Biden, Zelensky, and Putin are on a plane, and the plane loses altitude and goes down, but there are 2 parachutes. Putin takes the first one and jumps because he is a greedy twat. So he jumps, but then Biden says, "You go, Zelensky. I am much older than you, and it is ok for me to die." So Zelensky takes the second one and jumps, but when he did, the plane regains altitude, and Biden got to Washington, DC, all fine. They found out the reason was Zelensky's steel balls.
Why are mountains so funny? Because they're hill-arious! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, very funny!
Why isn't there much honey in Brazil?
Because there's only one B in Brazil.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" "A bad joke."
Why is there bullying? They can handle it by themselves.
There were ten cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?
None, 'cause they are all copycats.
What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?
Doughnuts, because they're holy.
What's the difference between you and a Barbie? There is no difference. Both of your faces are fake.
I’m gay because I nutted on the wall, now there are walnuts.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Not your.
Not your who?
Not your mama!
So all blondes are dumb, right?
Is that why there are so many more white people that are blonde than Black?
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
If you hit 9999 orphans and they all tell each other, are the other orphans their parents???
Akeld: Do you think I should get an edges or a tapeline?
Me: Why not make both of them there? They're both messed up anyway.
Oh, Mom, there is poop in the toilet still.
Mom: Oh, that was me and the dog.
Me: Wait, what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Women are like marshmallows because they're white, squashy, and everyone sticks their stick inside you.
Why is Donald Trump like a creamsicle?
He's white on the inside.
He's orange on the outside.
And then there's that stick!