Thereness jokes
I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.
So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"
The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."
How do you get 100 dead babies into a tub? Put them in the blender.
How do you get them out of the tub? Give mexicans tortilla chips and tell them theres salsa in the tub.
I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"
She said, "Yes."
"Knock knock."
I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!
How do you know it's full?
Because there's not mushroom inside.
Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?
There is no home button.
Knock knock.
Jou is there?
Why don't you speak English?
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
There is a young lady.
She is beautiful.
She got much vote.
But she speaks very fast.
Does she think she looks smart doing that?
She makes me feel bad.
Shipmate: Captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!
Captain: My momma didn’t raise no pussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.
Dad: "I'm giving all your toys to the orphanage."
Kid: "Why are you doing that?"
Dad: "So you won't get bored there."
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.
Why did the Chicken cross the road? You: Why? To get to the little b***h's house!
Knock knock! You: Who's there? The chicken!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
Did you fall from heaven? Or did you fall from the cliff up there?
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!