Thereness jokes
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange who?
Orange glad I didn’t say banana. Hahaha, you’re right, I hate that guy!
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
9/11 is like genders.
There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."
So the guy replies,
OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."
So the guy replies,
OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "Here you go!"
So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
You sound like an owl.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you ♥️.
An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.
The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.
Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.
I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
'Cause they're dead.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Doctor."
"Doctor who?"
"Doctor Who."
What's wrong with airline food...! They're not black, and they're not people. hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahXD!!!!!!!!! You're welcome?