There jokes
You should go back into the abortion bucket. Maybe you'll find half a brain in there.
Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.
It's women that make it hard.
Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.
Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.
Don’t stop orphan jokes. They’re funny, and people are just mad that they don’t understand the jokes because they're too STUUUPID.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Oliver.
Oliver who?
Oliver jokes don’t exist! 👹
There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.
First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"
Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"
And throws the White man off of the building.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.