Them jokes
Genders are like the Twin Towers.
There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
Memes
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?
That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.
I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.