Them jokes

Gender

Genders are like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.

Emo kid

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Sex

What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?

There’s twenty of them.

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  • Twenty

    What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?

    That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr

    Orphan

    How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

    You make them clap until they go home.

    9/11

    Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

    A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

    Pedophile

    Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

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  • Drug Dealer

    I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

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  • Baby

    How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.

    Woman

    Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.

    Toy

    What do boobs and toys have in common?

    They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

    Plane

    If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

    Knife

    When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

    Orphan

    How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.

    Tree

    Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

    Friend #2: "Apples"

    Me: "I can hang myself in them."

    Chess

    What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.

    Orphan

    Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.