Them jokes

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

A boy and his friend were walking down the street.

Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"

Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."

Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."

Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.

He came in twice.

(like if u understand)

Genders are like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.

What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?

There’s twenty of them.

What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?

That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr

Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until they go home.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.

How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.

What do orphans and garbage have in common?

They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.

What do boobs and toys have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.