Them jokes

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

Answer: A boomerang, because it is the only thing that comes back to them.

I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻

What does a stray cat/dog have in common?

Both of them don't have a home!

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

What’s the difference between a woman and a policeman? One of them have rights.

In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

I really like those "driverless cars." I saw loads of them last week in the car park.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

Whoever is an orphan and wants these to go, or if you just want them to go away, comment down below, or if you can't comment, give it a thumbs up!

Man: How do you prepare your chicken?

Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.

Why do trees never call Emos? Because they always hang up on them.

Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

Mom: Okay......

Dad: He's grounded.

Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

Mom: Soon honey, soon....

Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."

The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"

The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.

I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.