What’s the best part about having sex with twenty-six year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
Them Jokes
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?
That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.
The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.
The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.
Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them via airmail.
What do boobs and toys have in common?
They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.
Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
