Them jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a barn?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"

The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."

Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"

A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.

The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."

Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."

Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?

Because no one misses them.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a thrill with pills. Jack came down, fuck a clown, and the cum made them frown.

I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.

What is the best type of girl to fuck?

Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.

Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?

To get them into his van.

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.