Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.
Why aren’t short people allowed to be mentors?
Because you can’t look up to them.
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
I don’t get why Katniss was bitching so much in ‘The Hunger Games’ books. Ethiopia has been competing for years and I don’t hear any of them complaining.
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
