Them Jokes

Woman

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

Orphanage

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Friend

My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.

Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.

Emo kid

I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

I see them hang all day.

Orphanage

Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!

Maid

What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?

One of them won’t clean the oven.

Hospital

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.

Epileptic

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

Sex

What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?

There are twenty of them.

Behavior

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

Answer

What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.

Feminist

What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

One of them has a POINT:)

Film

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

Cigarette

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Kid

Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!

A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.

What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.

What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.

Feminism

Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:

A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.

B. That men are actually treated unequally.

SO

we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.

Michael Jackson

What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.