Them jokes
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHUT UP!!!
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."
"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.
"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."
The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"
The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.
Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?
That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.
I've got something better for all of you. I may not have found it, but Google "hottest sexiest women ever." Then you'll want them!
Why can't orphans go outside?
Because their parents aren't there to watch them!
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
I saw a kid crying in the corner. I asked them where their parents are. Man, I love working at an orphanage!
Why do rappers love the gym?
'Cause they're all about them heavy bars.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
At least one of them gets picked.
Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?
Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.
How do you make people mad? You use the wrong category. It makes them go red.