Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Them Jokes
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.
I see them hang all day.
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?
One of them won’t clean the oven.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?
"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"
What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?
One of them has a POINT:)
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:
A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.
B. That men are actually treated unequally.
SO
we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
