Them jokes

What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.

joe: Are your mom and dad nice?

zozo: Well, they were until I murdered them over a bottle of Pringles.

joe: Oh, so you are an orphan and a murderer.

Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.

Why do dolphins live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.

In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.

The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"

What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?

When you drop them both, everyone screams.

Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.

Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.

Q. Why do orphans love elevators?

A. Because they're the only things to raise them.

I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!

What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?

One of them is an outside job.

Q: What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

A: Neither of them get to see their parents.

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

What do orphans and garbage have in common?

They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.