Them jokes

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.

Why did the orphan fall out of the tree?

They thought their parents would catch them.

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?

Because no one misses them.

An emo went to high five a tree, and it left them hanging.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.

Don’t criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

So, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.

What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?

One of them is used.

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...

What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?

"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."

Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

Why is prostitution illegal?

Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?

None of them are straight.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?

Well, probably the person in front of them.