Them jokes

Brother

    • Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

    Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

    Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

    Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

    Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

    Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

    Brother 2: You monster.

    Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

    Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

    Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

    Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

    Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

    Brother 1: Found them.

    *imaginary mother and brother fade away*

    Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

    Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

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    • Them memes

    Orphan

    • How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

    You tell them to clap until their parents come home.

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    • Government

    • Why is prostitution illegal?

    Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.

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    • FBI

    • The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.

    A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.

    Bag

    • So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

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    • Funeral

    • My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

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    • Wish

    • 30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

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    • Wish

    • A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

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    • Orphan

    • *P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*

    Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”

    Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”

    Teacher: “Why?”

    Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”

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