New Them Jokes - Page 31 - Worst Jokes Ever

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it... Oh, wait.

Everybody loves guns!

Every time I show them mine, they give me free stuff.

What does a stray cat/dog have in common?

Both of them don't have a home!

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Only one of them gets picked...

Q. What's the best part about 28 year olds?

A. There's 20 of them!

I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.

I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

They said: "Because I lost my parents."

I said: "Let's find them."

They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

What does Justin Bieber and a rabbit have in common?

They're both adorably cute and everyone loves them except for Justin Bieber.

Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.

What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?

5 dollar footlongs.

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Kick the chair out from under them.

I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.

My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?

Because homing missiles don’t work on them.

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

Why did Mozart hate all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

Me: "What are you doing??"

Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"

Me: "I don't know."

Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"

Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"

Don't bully kids.