Them jokes

Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?

A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.

Why don't orphans have Life360?

Because parents won't track them.

Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?

Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

Q: How do you punish a blind person?

A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell them to clap until their parents come home.

My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..

They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.

Why do orphans go to public schools?

Who's going to homeschool them?

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

Why are priests called father? Because it's too sus to call them daddy!

I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.

I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?

Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

What is the difference between a condom and an orphan?

One of them is used.

I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hangout.

I saw them hanging all day.