Them jokes

No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.

How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?

Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.

A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?

There are 20 of them.

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

Their face when you nail them!

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    • My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

    So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

    If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.

    My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.

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    • When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.

    Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.

    When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

    When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.